Dealing With Loneliness (part 4)

This series is taking longer than I thought. Obviously in time amount (which is my own fault), but also in length; I originally said it would be three parts. Oh well.

Christians often suffer from loneliness, which is both different from aloneness and can be a real hazard in the long run. Yet Jesus Christ, our Savior, our King and the hope of our hearts - was lonely, too. If anyone had a right to feel lonely, He did.

There are some who debate this. And I don't begrudge them at all for having different interpretations. Some don't see Jesus as ever being "lonely." Others would substitute the "lonely" label for "alone," which in itself has another meaning. Others want to believe it, but have trouble embracing the concept. It is hard to imagine, sometimes. I've struggled more than once to reconcile the fact that Jesus was both God and man at the same time, and I still don't believe I've scratched the surface. I probably never will (until I meet Him face-to-face, of course). But my belief is that when Jesus became a man, like us, he took on all the qualities, raw emotions, and idiosyncrises (pardon my penchant for big words) that a living, breathing human has. Why did He do this? Why did He lower Himself to our level, setting aside His rightful place at the right hand of His Father? I think it was so that we could know Him personally, and accept Him with the full knowledge that He not only lived at our level, but died at our level. Of course, the big difference is, Christ conquered death by his resurrection, and in doing so, brought us salvation. I feel that has a lot to do with why our relationship with Jesus is so incredibly personal. We're not kneeling in awe before a Savior whose qualities and background are muddled, hazy, or vague. God gave us His Son, telling us all we needed to know about Him. His love. His justice. Humility. Compassion. Wisdom. We worship a Savior that we know deeply, One who sets us on fire with His Spirit and drives us to our knees in reverence. Very personal.

I believe Jesus experienced loneliness. I'm not saying He sinned because of that - loneliness is not a sin. It's what comes out of it, the consequences, that can lead to sinful behavior. But this is how I think He understands how I feel when I'm lonely. Sometimes when I'm praying out loud or quietly to God, I get jumbled up. I find myself at a sudden loss for words. I don't always know why exactly, but I suppose part of it is me trying to communicate my crazy, mixed-up feelings to Him. They're feelings even I don't understand. Yet I know He does. He knows me a lot better than I know myself. It's like when I enter a pause and sense myself grasping for the words, I hear God speaking to my heart, "It's all right, David. I know exactly how you feel. What you're thinking. I've been there." I feel so comforted knowing that I don't have to use words to bare myself to God. He already knows my feelings. He's better than any human audience. Because He totally understands.

Isn't it so cool that we have a Heavenly Father who understands our emotions? Loneliness? Oh yeah, that's a big one. Isaiah 53:3 depicts Jesus as "despised and forsaken of men, a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief." I read verses like these, and I can't help but think of what Jesus' childhood might have been like? Think about this. If you grow up as a perfect, model young boy with no blemishes on your public record, do you think you would be very popular among your peers? Probably not. Beyond the temple experience, we have no written records of what Jesus' childhood was like, yet from the writings of Isaiah, we know that He was familiar with sorrows and grief. God understands how we feel because He feels too! He's not some detached, ice-cold deity figure who is content to sit up in the heavens and look on passively as we struggle with our emotions. No, He feels right along with us in our hearts. He gives us comfort in a way no one else can. He smiles and shares in our joy when we're happy. He grieves with us when we're sad. What a blessing to know God in that personal way! How incredible!

What about during Jesus' earthly ministry? Here was a great teacher who was rejected and cast out of his own hometown: Nazareth. The Bible says that Jesus did not perform many deeds or miracles there because nobody would believe. Talk about a prime setup for loneliness! You're going out into the horizon to do the work of your Father, and you don't even have the support of your own home, the place in which you were raised and grew up (of course, we know where Jesus' true home is and He said so Himself, but that's beside the point). And what of companionship? Sure, Jesus had the 12 disciples, but it wasn't like they could converse and identify with Him on His level. They were always found lacking in faith, asking unnecessary questions - in other words, not very much different from you and me. Jesus gave Simon Peter and John only a brief, tiny glimpse of His true identity when He was transfigured on the mountaintop, and he conversed with Elijah and Moses. The first words out of Peter's mouth were "I will put up shelters for you three." I wonder if Jesus shook His head and thought, "No, no, no..."

And dare we not forget that harrowing night in the Garden of Gethsemene, the night Jesus was arrested and tried by Caiaphas, Herod, and Pilate, and then handed over to be crucified. His own disciples, the men who had been so close to him all his life, scattered and desserted him. Even Peter, who boldly proclaimed that He would follow his Lord to the death, denied the Christ. One of his friends betrayed him to his enemies. All alone, he endured the rage of the jeering crowd shouting "Crucify him! Crucify him!" Enduring whippings, spit upon and brutally beaten. But the worst was yet to come. The ultimate isolation came in his final moments as he hung upon the cross. For in order to bear the weight of man's ugly sins, Jesus had to be separated from God. Sin can not be found with God, and so Jesus had to bear it alone. As He approached his final breath, He cried out in a loud voice, "My God, my God, why hast Thou forsaken me?" Can you imagine a worse feeling than that? To know that you were enduring all of this persecution for an unrepentent, depraved human race, alone and abandoned, and it's all you can do to cry out to your Father? Even knowing full well what was going to happen after that, Jesus was never more lonely than in His last moments before death. I can't read this and not believe he doesn't understand my own loneliness.

So now we know what loneliness is. We know what it is not. We know what can come of it. And we know who understands it most of all.

The one remaining question is, what do we do about it?

Dealing With Loneliness (part 3)

Before I jump back on topic, a quick life update:

- Classes are tough, but no bad grades yet.
- That could change with midterms in high gear.
- Rush is in full swing. But I'm neutral on that.
- Lauren's grandfather has no active cancer. Praise God!
- Paladin Nites + Air Hockey = INSTANT FUN!
- Beyond the Gates of Splendor = extremely powerful
- My Lakeview buddy is now a Gargoyles fan. :)
- I need to read the Chronicles of Narnia. And soon.
- Praise for all my friends at Chillipepper last weekend.
- RHC Petition going around. My take on the curriculum? I'm of the belief whether I sign or not, Furman will do what it wants to do anyway. Besides, I'm a junior, so once the petition reaches the committee, my signature will have as much weight as a hangnail. It's freshmen they want.

In other words, whatever happens, happens. And now back to the story...

I've talked about what loneliness is, how it's different from aloneness, and some of the negative effects of having it. The next thing I want to do is to examine where a Christian's loneliness comes from. Now you may be thinking "Wait a minute, did he just say a Christian's loneliness? How could Christians be lonely? Aren't they supposed to always be on fire with their faith and singing and praising and worshipping and whatnot?" That's not entirely accurate; it's a misconception. Don't get me wrong; I'm not saying we shouldn't be doing that either. Maintaining a fiery worship life is very important. But Christians can be very lonely sometimes. It's the very lifestyle we choose to lead that can result in loneliness.

A. W. Tozer wrote this devotional message entitled "The Loneliness of the Christian." I think it speaks volumes on exactly why we experience it on so many occasions:

"The loneliness of the Christian results from his walk with God in an ungodly world, a walk that must often take him away from the fellowship of good Christians as well as from that of the unregenerate world. His God-given instincts cry out for companionship with others of his kind, others who can understand his longings, his aspirations, his absorption in the love of Christ; and because within his circle of friends there are so few who share his inner experiences he is forced to walk alone. The unsatisfied longings of the prophets for human understanding caused them to cry out in their complaint, and even our Lord Himself suffered in the same way."

As Christians, we're supposed to stand out. We're not among the "in-crowd." We don't follow the same trends, patterns, and direction of a world that doesn't know Christ. We're called to live differently. Titus 2:11-12 says, "For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in this present age." That doesn't mean we're called to live in a hole and make the church our homes until the return of Jesus Christ. We have to live in the world. Engage it. Be active in it. My high school Bible teacher put it best when he said we have to be "in the world, but not of the world." What a huge difference those two little letters can make, isn't it?

And because we are called to live this way, we are very much succeptible to bouts with loneliness. If you have ever felt lonely in your faith and thought that everyone was out to get you and that you had no one to confide in, congratulations. That means you know exactly what I'm talking about. If you've ever been in a conversation with friends and all of a sudden, someone makes an off-handed comment that leads you to talk about Jesus and your relationship with Him, only to see your friends kind of look at you funny and then change the subject after a few minutes, you can also relate to this. Those who follow Christ know all about dealing with loneliness. We've felt the sting of trying to fit in with a world that lacks the presence of the Holy Spirit, only to feel repelled. And it feels uncomfortable and even makes us hurt, you know? Even to the point of falling to our knees in despair. It's not right for us to feel that way, mind you; remember how God rebuked Elijah for sinking into despair instead of depending on him (right on the heels of his courageous stand-off with King Ahab and the worshippers of the false god Baal). But it's something that we are very familiar with.

Here's some more of Tozer's message:

"The man [or woman] who has passed on into the divine Presence in actual inner experience will not find many who understand him. He finds few who care to talk about that which is the supreme object of his interest, so he is often silent and preoccupied in the midst of noisy religious shoptalk. For this he earns the reputation of being dull and over-serious, so he is avoided and the gulf between him and society widens. He searches for friends upon whose garments he can detect the smell of myrrh and aloes and cassia out of the ivory palaces, and finding few or none he, like Mary of old, keeps these things in his heart."

Wow. This man is reading my mind. I've made no secret that middle school for me was not a very pleasant time. I was still young, something of an infant in my walk with Christ, but my faith rarely found those precious openings to grow and blossom. Some of that was my own fault. I didn't look for many opportunities to make friends, but instead stayed withdrawn and off to myself. And as you can imagine, that made me an easy target for the school bullies. The thought of violence, getting into fights scares me, I'll admit, and so I didn't muster up the nerve to fight back when I was threatened. But beyond that, I couldn't find anyone who shared my interests. At the time, even my church youth group couldn't bring me that kind of fulfillment. I'm not trying to slam anyone here; I'm just pouring out my heart and how I honestly felt at the time. Outside, I pretended to be content with making good grades. But deep down, I was miserable. Decaying. Lonely.

My loneliness could have gone full blown into the symptoms I described in my last post. I will admit that there were several times that I entertained such thoughts. Not that I ever went off into suicidal mode, threatened to take my life, or took it out on anyone. I didn't have the heart or the stomach to do that. I was so self-absorbed that I turned it all on myself, focusing my loneliness inward so others wouldn't notice it. I decided that if no one shared my interests or was willing to be civil around me, they wouldn't understand my problems. They couldn't understand. I didn't even confide in teachers or the counselor even though I loved them. Like I said, my studies and grades kept me from going 'round the bend and gave me the motivation to keep going and even succeed in school despite being a zero socially. But I believed that even they couldn't understand how I felt. No one could.

The truth is, lots of people don't understand. Loneliness is extremely and undeniably personal. Sometimes even close friends and family can't fully understand (but they can empathize) your feelings. They're yours, not theirs. They don't share your heart, your mind, your background experiences that helped shape your thought processes and made you the way you are...loneliness is an individual thing that way. People can help and it is theraputic to confide in others, but they can't feel it in the same unique manner that you do.

All is not doom and gloom, however. Because there is Someone who understands fully. Someone who could've churned out entire dictionaries on loneliness. Tozer's concluding statement says:

"It is this very loneliness that throws him back upon God. His inability to find human companionship drives him to seek in God what he can find nowhere else."

And I'll talk more on this point next time. :)

Dealing With Loneliness (part 2)

Solitude
a poem by Jim Cotter

Aloneness is neutral.
To be alone is simply to be at a distance
in bathroom or crowded cafe.
Loneliness is negative.
To be lonely is to dislike being alone,
even to be cramped and embittered by it.
But to be alone or to live alone
is not necessarily something to dread.
For solitude is positive.
To be solitary is not to exclude or be excluded.
It is to be in touch with the springs of your own creativity;
it is to be aware
that we can never be separate from anyone;
it is to know at the deepest level
what it is to love and be loved.

I was fascinated by this poem when I first came across it. It really puts into perspective the difference between loneliness and "aloneness," which was a major theme in the first part of this series. Being alone doesn't mean that you are lonely; most often, it's the opposite. Solitude is a precious thing that I have come to treasure. I try to do it as much as I can (but not too much; you know what they say about too much of a good thing). It really does help me recharge my batteries, so to speak. And so often, I can feel closer to God, My Savior, when it's one-on-one. No distractions, no obstacles, nothing but the Holy Spirit talking to me as I remain quiet and still. I guess you can say "aloneness" prepares me for togetherness. When I need God's help to talk to others, He'll give me the words to say just like He did for Moses with Pharaoh. "Now go. I will help you speak and will teach you what to say" (Exodus 4:12).

So now that we now what loneliness is, and what it isn't, how can it be harmful to us? Besides deriving us of any real joy in the time we spend with other people, this condition can potentially lead to progressively worse actions and behavior if it's left unchecked. The following items originally came from http://www.intouch.org and they are a sobering picture of the devastating impact that loneliness can have on our lives:

1. Loneliness can lead to immoral relationships. In trying to deal with our condition, we may be tempted to seek intimacy with someone. When we can't stand to be alone, we become so desperate for another's touch that our principles and values relating to it can become warped. But this pleasure is all too fleeting; it won't last. It can push the pain away temporarily, but once the thrill is over, the deep-rooted problem is still there. And more often than not, it's worse than ever with the loss of that thrill. And that will cause some people to try and recapture that pleasure of intimacy again and again until they lose themselves in the cycle. But it doesn't bring fulfilling joy, and it doesn't help solve the real problem. You can only push it down so far before it eventually bubbles to the surface. Relationships and intimacy are not inherently wrong. But if our motives are not pure, they could prove disastrous.


2. Loneliness can impact our finances. Again, we might try to attack our malady from another wrong angle, in this case by purchasing certain items that we don't necessarily need on a whim or fancy. It's yet another behavior that can become addictive because of the temporary thrill that it provides. But all it really does is create a dent in our wallets and leave us in financial debt. And that compounds our predicament, because now we're lonely and maxed out. Trying to lose ourselves in behavior that doesn't directly address our deeper-seated problem, again, usually creates an even bigger set of problems, and any pleasure that we get from them will be very short-lived. I can quickly recall a recent new episode of The Suite Life of Zack and Cody that touches on this precise point. One of the characters, London, had a fancy for shopping and spending that bordered on insane. However, it got to the point where she finally had to admit that her drive to shop 'till she dropped (pardon the pun) was her way of avoiding the absence of her father. She felt lonely without him, but instead of admitting it to herself, she sought an escape through her plethora of credit cards. How many of us are the same way? How are we hiding the pain?

3. Loneliness can sabatoge our self-esteem. Many experts say that this is the greatest danger of loneliness, and I agree. It's also tougher to resolve than immoral relationships or monetary debt. When we're lonely, what is the thought that keeps dominating our conduct? Nobody cares about me; I don't matter to anyone; I'm not worth anything to anybody; if I were to go to bed tonight and be dead the next morning, not one person on Earth would be sorry or even notice. When we are deep in loneliness, we lose sight of how we are to regard ourselves by the Bible's perspective. It gets so bad that we start to think, "God couldn't possibly love me or care about me; I'm so worthless. I have zero value. How could I matter to Him?" This isn't humility. It is a flat-out degradation of God's work. Nothing God created is without value or a purpose, least of all us. Think about how that outlook impacts our witness. How can we express to others what the love of Christ is, and how it transforms hearts and minds if we ourselves are not living examples of it? How can we speak about freedom in Jesus if we ourselves remain in bondage? Paul tells us in Galatians 5:1 to, "stand firm, and to not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." God is not willing that we should be enslaved to anything save for His purpose, but that "in all things, we should be more than conquerors" (Romans 8:37). And one of the first things we must conquer is our own nature.

4. Loneliness can produce physical problems, and even lead to suicide. Our bodies and our emotions are closely linked. What we do tends to reflect how we feel, and that includes the way we treat ourselves. When we become so lost in loneliness to the point where we truly don't think we can spend one more waking minute in this world, suicide becomes a viable option. We might take different steps to get there, in the form of self-mutilation, binge drinking, or drug overdose, but if it gets bad enough, we are willing to take our own life. According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, a few of the top risk factors associated with suicide are depression, feelings of hopelessness, and isolation, being (or feeling) cut off from other people. Understand just how far we have to sink in order to reach a point where suicide goes from a horrifying and ghastly concept to an idea that is worth considering. That degree of despair is very, very deep-seated. It wrenches my heart just thinking about it. That a person would willingly commit suicide out of an intense loneliness and isolation, believing no one cares for them or loves them or would mourn them if they died - it cuts me so deeply. Enough that I would almost want to grab the knife and take the stab meant for them. Just to prove it's not true. God cares. God loves. God grieves.

I'll write more on this last point tomorrow. Have a blessed day.

Song of the Day: ZOEgirl - "Scream"

Verse of the Day: "My eyes are ever on the Lord, for only he will release my feet from the snare. Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. The troubles of my heart have multiplied; free me from my anguish." - Psalm 25:15-17

Dealing With Loneliness (part 1)

I think it's very interesting how this appears to be a subject that lots of my friends want to talk about. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Loneliness is a condition that we all experience at some time or another. It comes in varying levels; some are pretty bad, others not so much. But we all feel it, and we want to understand it and what it means. I've definitely had my share of lonely periods; my recent desert place is still fresh. It's very difficult to get out from. But my family group broached the subject again just yesterday, and my Dad spoke on it at TNT last year. It made me start thinking. How is loneliness defined? Is there a difference between loneliness and "aloneness?" When is loneliness a bad thing, or when does it become harmful to us? These are some of the questions I want to tackle with this three-part series. It's helpful for me to lay it all out like this. I hope it's helpful to anyone who reads it.

So what is loneliness? Frankly, I'm not sure it can be tied to any single, universal definition. Like I said, we all experience it in different ways. But we can describe what it's like. The following statements are taken from the Discussion Manual for Student Relationships:

- Loneliness is having your closest friend miles away with no one else to share your pain or your joy.
- Loneliness is missing a few days at school or work, and no one notices.
- Loneliness is the dread of going to the cafeteria and thinking there will be no one to sit with while you eat.
- Loneliness is that deep, hollow feeling that says, "My opinions are not important to anyone."
- Loneliness is that disturbing feeling that no one wants to talk to you.
- Loneliness is wondering which of your 'friends' are true friends and which are just trying to use you.
- Loneliness is that gnawing feeling that few, if any people, really care about you.
- Loneliness is having no one notice or pay attention to you, acting as if you were not there.
- Loneliness is thinking that everyone seems to be ignoring you or avoiding you.
- Loneliness is seeing yourself as "Mr./Miss Unpopular."
- Loneliness is wondering why so few seem to care about your real needs and those things which are of greatest concern to you.
- Loneliness is when others fail to give you what you feel you deserve, such as praise, recognition, and gratitude.

Do any of these sound familiar? I can say from my own experience that I can identify with at least eight of these statements about loneliness. I'm just like everyone else. I want to believe and know that I'm important to people. I want to know that I'm loved. I crave attention, acknowledgment, and recognition no matter how many times I might pretend otherwise. Is it wrong to want these things? Absolutely not. God created us in such a way that we would desire more and more of His love, and take pleasure in the warmth and security of our loved ones. He is not willing that we should deny our thirst for acceptance. It's part of our nature. I can't think of one rational and healthy person, not even me during my middle school outcast phase, who would deliberately, consciously, and voluntarily reject the companionship of others. We were created for comradeship, not for a lifetime of isolation. Never is that more clearly stated than all the way back at the beginning in Genesis 2:18. "The Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."

So now we know that none of us would choose loneliness out of our own free will. What else do we need to be aware of? What about loneliness and "aloneness?" Does it mean the same thing to say that a person is alone and lonely? I don't think so. I'm of a mind that believes aloneness is a positive thing. We need to be alone sometimes. It doesn't mean that we're lonely. We need that solitude in the presence of God to let the Holy Spirit refresh us in a way that only He can. It's not wrong to be surrounded by people most of the time, but we should never forget the importance that the Bible puts on these periods of solitude. They reenergize us and give us renewed strength. We might often refer to those periods as our "quiet time" with God. Whatever we call it, aloneness with God is a vital and necessary part of our relationship with Jesus Christ. It's when we plunge even deeper into the Word, the truth, listening intensely for the soothing, mighty, and revitalizing sound of the Holy Spirit's voice in our hearts.

Look at how many times during His earthly ministry that Jesus took time to be alone. Matthew 14:13 shows how Jesus responded upon hearing the news of John the Baptist's death. "When Jesus heard what had happened, He withdrew by boat privately to a solitary place." No doubt this news troubled Him a great deal; how often do we forget that our Lord and Savior who can do so many great works was also a man, an emotional being? He could feel sadness and heartache just like us. Matthew 14:23 then says Jesus "went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone." Even Jesus, the Son of God, needed that special time alone with His Father (even though at the same time, He is God in the flesh). And these periods are sandwiched around two of his most noted miracles recorded in the Bible: the feeding of five-thousand people and the walk on the water.

So there's nothing inherently wrong with being physically alone. It's when we have the condition of loneliness that harmful things result. And more often than not, it's not a physical loneliness. I know as well as anyone that we can be lonely right in the middle of a crowd or activity, surrounded by laughter and joy, but we're not experiencing it. We're there in the physical sense, but our minds, our hearts, and our souls, those intangibles that people can't see on the outside are in bondage to loneliness. Sometimes hearing other people around us laughing and enjoying life grates on our nerves, to the point that we can't stand to be around them. Yet at the same time, we can't stand to be alone. It hurts so much! How many times has that harrowing disease of loneliness driven us to tears? I know I've shed plenty over it. We feel like we're trapped, that nobody loves us, nobody cares about us, and that's the way that it's always going to be. We stop trying to live life to the fullest and content ourselves with just getting by, going through the motions. We don't give an activity or assignment our best effort anymore because we just don't seem to care. And when it's really bad, even precious time spent with family and friends just makes it feel worse. This is when loneliness becomes a disease, and it's not an easy one to treat. And it leads toward sinful behavior against God.

Song of the Day: Joy Williams - "We"

Verse of the Day: "So do not be afraid of them. There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known. What I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight; what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the roofs." - Matthew 10:26-27

A Nauseous Nocturne

Neat title. I think it was the name of an early "Calvin and Hobbes" treasury strip. Given my disposition last night, I think it's pretty appropriate.

I got only three hours of sleep last night. How can that be, when I have no classes today on account of Martin Luther King, Jr. Day (yay for Dr. King!)? Well, I had one of my worst nightmares in recent memory. It's one of those dreams that's deep and powerful enough that it leaves an impression on you, yet so convoluted and messy you can't remember all the details. Basically, I dreamed about Armageddon. You know, the prophecied battle between good and evil, between God and Satan, as depicted in the book of Revelation. As a Christian, I know that's going to be the most lopsided clash in history. In fact, we already know who wins (hint: God). This battle of the ages won't really be a 'battle' at all. The Bible devotes only a sentence or two to describe the details. How the Word of God erupts from the mouth of the Lamb like a mighty sword, slaying His enemies where they stand.

For some reason, my dream didn't turn out that way. I don't know; I'm not an expert somnambulist. But in my dream, evil was winning. I saw Christians, my friends included, being dragged off and killed. Chaos and anarchy ruling everywhere. Churches and underground hideouts burned to ashes and pillaged. It felt real, and yet surreal at the same time. You know what it's like when you're in that dream, and you find yourself thinking, "This can't really be happening!" Usually at that point, you wake up (either that or something cataclysmic happens to you, and the shock wakes you up). I kept dreaming, and it got worse and worse. I think it was about at the point in which this band of troops were hauling me away from my family, and it seemed the walls were collapsing around me that I finally woke up. A very disturbing nightmare, that one. Kept me awake into the early morning hours.

So anyway, what's the moral of this story? Watch what you eat before going to bed.

This past week has been rushed, but good. I'm liking this winter term better than last year, at least. Don't get me wrong; the classes are no less challenging, but I've got good professors and the material is much more interesting. Computer Science is pretty complex, but so far, the main issue with that is time. The work isn't terribly difficult; it just takes a lot of time and effort to complete. Fair enough. Education of Students with Special Needs (ED-21) is a lot more stimulating than ED-20 last year, and I'm already loving my field experience at Lakeview Middle in Greenville. The kids have been terrific, and I feel like we've made some good connections. Now I've just got to write it all up in those pesky things we like to call "observations." Personally I'd rather just watch and listen to the children, but for the sake of my grade. Oh, I almost forgot. Icky square pizzas are apparantly still in the schools.

What else happened last week? Lots of time spent in the company of awesome friends. A very in-depth L-Team meeting on Monday in which we spent maybe half an hour just talking and sharing prayer requests. Family group began our topical discussions for winter term with "God's grace." What a great way to start things off! Fresh off my Paul class, I was able to bring up plenty of things he had to say about that. TNT was wonderful; I felt steady and confident in singing again (thanks to Jessie and AK for your prayers!!!), and our old friend Jim Tippins, who told the Rag Man story last year, came back to tell another story about "holding the rope" for others; or in other words, encouraging and uplifting them. I had another fun "Lost" session with Taylor, Jon, Bryan, Tiffany Gibson, and Lauren on Wednesday. The next night, Lauren got together a team to play a game of Ultimate Frisbee with her glow-in-the-dark disc. I know she's been dying for a chance to use that. A fun time we had, even if I flipped head over heels once and tumbled one time too many. But oh well; no broken bones. Nothing life-threatening.

Well, that's about all I have to report. Hopefully, I can spend more time posting instead of recapping like I have lately. We'll see; winter term gets busy so quick, it's all I can do just to keep up. I hope you have a blessed day!

Song of the Day: Twila Paris - "God is in Control"

Verse of the Day: "I sought the Lord, and He answered me; He delivered me from all my fears." - Psalm 34:4

Things I've Learned

Inspired by Anna Kate's blog, here is a list of some of the things I've learned in my 21 years of existence. Some are random, some are profound (or try to be). Some probably won't make sense to you. But here they are, in no particular order:

1. Tomorrow is a fresh new day with no mistakes in it yet.
2. It's not good to have a 95 degree temperature before giving blood.
3. Vacuum cleaners are purposely designed to terrify 2-year-olds.
4. Dogs are like rubber bands. Stretch them too far, and they snap.
5. Companionship can't be measured in money, extravagant locations, or hollow flattery. Just being together is what counts.
6. In a conversation, what is said is often less important than what goes unsaid.
7. Smile without talking. It makes people wonder what you're up to.
8. Talk is cheap. Actions speak many volumes louder than words.
9. If you ever see a cloud that is a sickly green color, rotating at the base, and shaped like an anvil - take cover.
10. It's easier to sing with a smile on your face. It also helps to widen your mouth.
11. Listening to the Beatles is very helpful when you're preparing to give a speech.
12. God is love. God is just. God is merciful. God is mighty. I'm glad I know Him.
13. Don't freak out when assigned a 12-15 page paper. Remember - quotations, footnotes, and subtitles take up space.
14. Clear, sunny days are wonderful, but cloudy days have more personality.
15. Every science class should watch Bill Nye. That should be some sort of law.
16. If you have a rival sports team, try to tolerate them for 364 days of the year.
17. Hit the 'mute' button on TV promos. Nine times out of ten, they're wrong.
18. Pacing around the library does wonders for shaking free of writer's block.
19. Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he'll have bad breath for life.
20. I am woefully flawed and inadequate in many ways. But I know I'm still accepted and loved.
21. There's nothing wrong with being single, but leave a little room for romance. You may be surprised.
22. Eating carrots does not give you x-ray vision. But it does earn you a smile from your Mom.
23. If at all possible, avoid stepping into damp, murky shower drains wearing rubber shoes and dark socks. You never know - you might save yourself an ingrown toenail operation.
24. A huge part of prayer is shutting up and letting God get in a few words.
25. Sometimes, a little nonsense makes the most sense.

Song of the Day: SonicFlood - "Cry Holy"

Verse of the Day: "There is no wisdom, no insight, no plan that can succeed against the Lord." - Proverbs 21:30

Warmth and Soul-Baring

Wow...I haven't updated in a while.

Part of the reason for the delay was my laptop. My operating system conked out on me the day I got back to Furman, and so I had to take it to my Dad's company to get it re-installed. I've missed it especially during my classes because I've gotten so accustomed to typing out my notes. And since I know you're thinking otherwise, I'm not surfing the net during the lectures. Promise. But anyway, I'm up and running with the laptop again, and along with that good news, I can finally access the internet in my dorm room! No more running around, lugging my laptop everywhere to building after building. Well, provided my hall stays tranquil, anyway.

Okay, here's the weird part of today. At around 9:30 this morning, five minutes into Computer Science 16, my stomach starts hurting. It wasn't one specific spot; just a general pain all over. I didn't feel nauseated like I was going to throw up or anything; it just hurt. Came out of nowhere. I had to excuse myself to go and sit in the rest room for like 15 minutes. That didn't really help, so I endured it for the remainder of class. But once I got back to my room, the pain ceased and went away completely. I swear, my body is one gigantic freak of nature. I will never know what it's going to do or how it's going to feel from one moment to the next. Sigh.

Today was a warm day. For January, that is. I think the high temperature peaked at around 73 degrees or so. It was a perfect afternoon to go outside and sit on one of the benches overlooking Furman Lake and the Belltower while I read textbooks. It was also a great day to exercise outdoors. I have done so much cardio these past few days that my legs feel like triple-weighted knots. So I ended up focusing more on resistance training for today.

Leadership Team meeting was just excellent. I love being able to open up and to be free around such awesome friends. We talked a lot about how we envision BCM by the end of spring term, and what we should do in order to make that vision a reality. Lots of great ideas were shared.