Dealing With Loneliness (part 3)

Before I jump back on topic, a quick life update:

- Classes are tough, but no bad grades yet.
- That could change with midterms in high gear.
- Rush is in full swing. But I'm neutral on that.
- Lauren's grandfather has no active cancer. Praise God!
- Paladin Nites + Air Hockey = INSTANT FUN!
- Beyond the Gates of Splendor = extremely powerful
- My Lakeview buddy is now a Gargoyles fan. :)
- I need to read the Chronicles of Narnia. And soon.
- Praise for all my friends at Chillipepper last weekend.
- RHC Petition going around. My take on the curriculum? I'm of the belief whether I sign or not, Furman will do what it wants to do anyway. Besides, I'm a junior, so once the petition reaches the committee, my signature will have as much weight as a hangnail. It's freshmen they want.

In other words, whatever happens, happens. And now back to the story...

I've talked about what loneliness is, how it's different from aloneness, and some of the negative effects of having it. The next thing I want to do is to examine where a Christian's loneliness comes from. Now you may be thinking "Wait a minute, did he just say a Christian's loneliness? How could Christians be lonely? Aren't they supposed to always be on fire with their faith and singing and praising and worshipping and whatnot?" That's not entirely accurate; it's a misconception. Don't get me wrong; I'm not saying we shouldn't be doing that either. Maintaining a fiery worship life is very important. But Christians can be very lonely sometimes. It's the very lifestyle we choose to lead that can result in loneliness.

A. W. Tozer wrote this devotional message entitled "The Loneliness of the Christian." I think it speaks volumes on exactly why we experience it on so many occasions:

"The loneliness of the Christian results from his walk with God in an ungodly world, a walk that must often take him away from the fellowship of good Christians as well as from that of the unregenerate world. His God-given instincts cry out for companionship with others of his kind, others who can understand his longings, his aspirations, his absorption in the love of Christ; and because within his circle of friends there are so few who share his inner experiences he is forced to walk alone. The unsatisfied longings of the prophets for human understanding caused them to cry out in their complaint, and even our Lord Himself suffered in the same way."

As Christians, we're supposed to stand out. We're not among the "in-crowd." We don't follow the same trends, patterns, and direction of a world that doesn't know Christ. We're called to live differently. Titus 2:11-12 says, "For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in this present age." That doesn't mean we're called to live in a hole and make the church our homes until the return of Jesus Christ. We have to live in the world. Engage it. Be active in it. My high school Bible teacher put it best when he said we have to be "in the world, but not of the world." What a huge difference those two little letters can make, isn't it?

And because we are called to live this way, we are very much succeptible to bouts with loneliness. If you have ever felt lonely in your faith and thought that everyone was out to get you and that you had no one to confide in, congratulations. That means you know exactly what I'm talking about. If you've ever been in a conversation with friends and all of a sudden, someone makes an off-handed comment that leads you to talk about Jesus and your relationship with Him, only to see your friends kind of look at you funny and then change the subject after a few minutes, you can also relate to this. Those who follow Christ know all about dealing with loneliness. We've felt the sting of trying to fit in with a world that lacks the presence of the Holy Spirit, only to feel repelled. And it feels uncomfortable and even makes us hurt, you know? Even to the point of falling to our knees in despair. It's not right for us to feel that way, mind you; remember how God rebuked Elijah for sinking into despair instead of depending on him (right on the heels of his courageous stand-off with King Ahab and the worshippers of the false god Baal). But it's something that we are very familiar with.

Here's some more of Tozer's message:

"The man [or woman] who has passed on into the divine Presence in actual inner experience will not find many who understand him. He finds few who care to talk about that which is the supreme object of his interest, so he is often silent and preoccupied in the midst of noisy religious shoptalk. For this he earns the reputation of being dull and over-serious, so he is avoided and the gulf between him and society widens. He searches for friends upon whose garments he can detect the smell of myrrh and aloes and cassia out of the ivory palaces, and finding few or none he, like Mary of old, keeps these things in his heart."

Wow. This man is reading my mind. I've made no secret that middle school for me was not a very pleasant time. I was still young, something of an infant in my walk with Christ, but my faith rarely found those precious openings to grow and blossom. Some of that was my own fault. I didn't look for many opportunities to make friends, but instead stayed withdrawn and off to myself. And as you can imagine, that made me an easy target for the school bullies. The thought of violence, getting into fights scares me, I'll admit, and so I didn't muster up the nerve to fight back when I was threatened. But beyond that, I couldn't find anyone who shared my interests. At the time, even my church youth group couldn't bring me that kind of fulfillment. I'm not trying to slam anyone here; I'm just pouring out my heart and how I honestly felt at the time. Outside, I pretended to be content with making good grades. But deep down, I was miserable. Decaying. Lonely.

My loneliness could have gone full blown into the symptoms I described in my last post. I will admit that there were several times that I entertained such thoughts. Not that I ever went off into suicidal mode, threatened to take my life, or took it out on anyone. I didn't have the heart or the stomach to do that. I was so self-absorbed that I turned it all on myself, focusing my loneliness inward so others wouldn't notice it. I decided that if no one shared my interests or was willing to be civil around me, they wouldn't understand my problems. They couldn't understand. I didn't even confide in teachers or the counselor even though I loved them. Like I said, my studies and grades kept me from going 'round the bend and gave me the motivation to keep going and even succeed in school despite being a zero socially. But I believed that even they couldn't understand how I felt. No one could.

The truth is, lots of people don't understand. Loneliness is extremely and undeniably personal. Sometimes even close friends and family can't fully understand (but they can empathize) your feelings. They're yours, not theirs. They don't share your heart, your mind, your background experiences that helped shape your thought processes and made you the way you are...loneliness is an individual thing that way. People can help and it is theraputic to confide in others, but they can't feel it in the same unique manner that you do.

All is not doom and gloom, however. Because there is Someone who understands fully. Someone who could've churned out entire dictionaries on loneliness. Tozer's concluding statement says:

"It is this very loneliness that throws him back upon God. His inability to find human companionship drives him to seek in God what he can find nowhere else."

And I'll talk more on this point next time. :)