Listen Up, NCAA

I just had to post this story. Please read it.


Clemson's McElrathbey raises young brother

CLEMSON, South Carolina (AP) -- The alarm sounds at 6:15 a.m. and Clemson freshman Ray Ray McElrathbey starts a routine like few others in college football.

Along with classes, film work, defensive back meetings and football practice, McElrathbey sees that his 11-year-old brother, Fahmarr, is dressed and fed, finishes his homework and makes it to middle school on time.

McElrathbey, 19, has temporary custody of his brother because of his mother's continuing drug problems and his father's gambling addiction. The two brothers have shared experiences in foster homes and now share an apartment by the campus.

They live solely off McElrathbey's scholarship while Clemson's athletic department tries to get a waiver from the NCAA that might let them accept donations without jeopardizing McElrathbey's football eligibility.

McElrathbey sought custody because he was tired of worrying what might happen to Fahmarr living with their mother in Atlanta, Georgia.

"I wasn't going to let him go back to a foster home, back to the system," McElrathbey says.

The transition from football player to caregiver is one McElrathbey has cherished since Fahmarr's arrival in June.

"As a brother, it was still me first. As a parent, it's him first," McElrathbey says. "Before I do anything for me, got to do stuff for him."

The elder McElrathbey sounds like a father discussing the struggles of managing a sixth-grader. It often takes two or three shouts before Fahmarr rises and puts on his clothes. McElrathbey signs off on his brother's homework, meets with guidance counselors and tries to keep more fruit around the house.

McElrathbey has no car, so a teammate or friend gives Fahmarr a ride to R.C. Edwards Middle School.

Fahmarr returns to Clemson in the afternoons, often starting his homework at Vickery Hall, Clemson's athletic academic center, or a football coach's office while his older brother works out with the team.

After Tuesday's practice, Fahmarr was in his brother's orange No. 9 jersey throwing the ball to McElrathbey while teammates walked by saying hello or joking with him.

"It's fun living with my brother because we like the same things," Fahmarr said.

After practice, the pair return home. There's dinner, school work and some brotherly time before Fahmarr is asleep and McElrathbey catches up on his assignments, school and football. A big night of fun might be a movie with a teammate or friend.

McElrathbey doesn't mind sacrificing the kind of college life he hears about from teammates.
"My pastor told me it's the Lord wanting to slow me down. I'll take it as that," he said.

McElrathbey has seven brothers and sisters. Because of his mother's addiction, her children have been separated, some ending in foster care as she went to rehab, McElrathbey said.

McElrathbey's mother copes well without the stress of her large family, her son says. Other times she has vowed to get clean and go through rehab, but once she was again raising her children, her problems would resurface, McElrathbey said.

McElrathbey used sports to keep himself out of trouble, often living with coaches or other mentors who kept him in school and focused on the future.

When McElrathbey came to Clemson, he couldn't help but fret over Fahmarr. "You didn't see him at Christmas dinner in Orlando crying in my arms because of his brother," Clemson defensive coordinator Vic Koenning said.

While many in the athletic department have asked to help the McElrathbeys, Clemson must be careful the help is not seen as extra benefits in violation of NCAA rules. Clemson and the ACC have worked on a waiver request to the NCAA, athletic spokesman Tim Bourret said.

Koenning doesn't understand why his wife or other members of Clemson's coaching family can't assist with a trip to the grocery store or school. "I can take two boxes of toys out of my basement and give them to Goodwill, but I can't give them to Ray Ray?"

McElrathbey has no time left for a job, but makes extra spending money washing cars or mowing lawns. He says there is nothing they need he can't afford. "I just had to get rid of the 'great' things, what I call the material things," McElrathbey said.

The NCAA says it's working with Clemson and the ACC on the best solution to assist the McElrathbeys. While the rules prohibit most benefits beyond what comes with the scholarship, "individual circumstances can and are taken into consideration in unusual situations," the NCAA said in a statement.

Clemson safety Michael Hamlin often drives McElrathbey and Fahmarr, and takes Fahmarr for a bite when his older brother's tied up. "He's like a little clown. Everybody likes being around him," Hamlin said.

McElrathbey is glad for the help he gets. He's more happy knowing Fahmarr is safe and sound. The younger McElrathbey told his older brother he is a celebrity on campus now.

Fahmarr was supposed to be in Clemson temporarily. But now McElrathbey expects to maintain custody of his younger brother throughout his teen years. He stays as upbeat as possible and won't dwell on his mother's problems because it doesn't help him or, more importantly, Fahmarr. McElrathbey dreams his mother might one day stay drug free to guide her children, but isn't counting on it.

"You can't get mad at people for being who they are," he said. "You can accept it or you don't, but either way you can't get mad about it because it doesn't help."


As I read this story again and again, I feel like you probably do. Humbled. Cut to the heart. Moved to tears. In fact, I had tears falling from my cheeks the first time I read it, and I'm not one to get emotional. What is a greater example of the love of Christ than sacrifice? Real, personal sacrifice? I read what life has done to Ray Ray and Fahmarr, and it makes me weep. Not because of their hardship. But because of Ray Ray's response. I feel like less than half a man when I read of the things he gives up every day of his college life just so his little brother can go to school and have some semblence of normal life. Sacrifice like this is a rare thing. But when you see it, the idea of Jesus dying for our salvation starts to come into focus.

I read this story, and I am angry. Furious. The NCAA has issued a public statement "reminding" Clemson that it is not permitted to grant any form of monetary aid or assistance to Ray Ray. Their reason? It might be seen as an "extra benefit." Vic Koenning, our defensive coordinator, can't even give Fahmarr a box of toys in his attic. Ray can't be granted any mode of public transporation even though he has no car and must rely on a teammate to get Fahmarr to school on time. He can't even find time for a job, but scrubs cars and cuts grass while paying for their needs solely on his football scholarship. The Clemson community and college football fans who first heard about his situation in the Charleston Herald flooded the university office with requests to send him help or support, only to get turned away. And the NCAA won't help him. Worse, they won't let others help him. That just sickens me.


It warms my heart to see action being taken on this. Clemson and the ACC have pushed Ray Ray and Fahmarr's story into the media. It's now the top headline at CNN.com and one of the main ones at ESPN.com. I'm hoping the more attention people give this, the more sympathy will be gained. And if that keeps up, the public will force the NCAA's hand. I hate to see it come to that. It really shouldn't. But for Ray Ray's sake, I hope that pans out. If they can grant him a waiver of any kind, it would be a tremendous help to them. Even that isn't asking so much. Its just a matter of letting people act like human beings, as Koenning put it. Sacrificing time to help someone out.

Please keep Ray Ray, Fahmarr, their Mom and Dad, and their friends and family in your prayers. Give Ray Ray an extra little cheer and clap hard when you see him make a tackle in a football game this year. Remember all that he's giving up. It's the least we can do.