Time to Recap

- Spring term has been torpor. But thankfully, it's nowhere near as brutal as winter term was. Still, it's enough to severely weaken my usual passion for reading.

- Fall term [and beyond] is going to be ... epic.

- I had almost resigned myself to pursuing a single room again for my senior year. But out of the blue, I received an email from Will Swinson with a last-second offer for a North Village apartment. I'll keep you posted on what develops.

- BCM Dinner Theater - "The Kingdom." Absolutely wonderful. Living proof of the power of God.

- I now officially have a summer job. A children's intern at FBC. You have to love any job in which the hardest part is the interviews.

- I'm hugely excited about our new Leadership Team, and so humbled and thankful that God called me to be a part of it again next year.

- My sister had a terrific Senior Prom. I'm very happy about that.

- I have a Saturday off from work tomorrow. A pleasant surprise.

- Anna Kate is getting ready to graduate! Woo-hoo!! You're in my prayers, sweetie!

- If anyone ever asks you who the "patron saint" of the Walt Disney company is ... it's not Michael Eisner. :)

Do You Remember?

A high school friend posted this recently. It's a real trip down memory lane...

If you were born anywhere from 85 to 90 then most of this you will remember. All you 90's kids probably won't know what the heck most of this stuff is.

This was a bulletin that I saw recently that reminded me of being young and made me start to think that maybe growing up isn't the greatest thing in the world. I think all of us can appreciate this stuff and it can remind us to remember when we were little. Enjoy!

-Before the MySpace frenzy.
-Before the Internet & text messaging.
-Before Sidekicks & iPods.
-Before MIKE JONESSS
-Before PlayStation2 or X-BOX.
-Before the 5 hours of homework you put off every night.
-WHEN LIGHT UP SNEAKERS WERE KOOL
-When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs.
-When gas was $0.95 a gallon & Caller ID was a new thing.
-When we recorded stuff on VCRs & paid $3.50 for a movie.
-When we called the radio station to request songs and they actually played them!
-Tag.
-Get Over Here!!!! means something to you.
-Hide-n-Go Seek in the dark.
-Red Light, Green Light.
-Heads Up 7 Up.
-Playing Kickball & Dodgeball even Wallball.
-Hopskotch.
-Slip-n-Slides.
-Tree Houses.
-Hula Hoops.
-Reading R.L. Stine's Goose Bumps.
-The annoying Nano Pets & Furbies.
-Running through the sprinklers.
-Crying when Mufasa died in the Lion King.
-Happy Meals where you chose a Barbie or a Hot Wheels car.
-Getting the privilege to sit in the front seat of the car.
-Drinking Sqeeze It "Squeeze The Fun Out Of It"
-Gushers.
-Watching Saturday Morning Cartoons when it was actually worth it to wake up early and turn on the TV
-Hey Arnold
-Doug
-Rugrats.
-The original Power Rangers
-The Secret World of Alex Mack.
-Ren & Stimpy.
-Double Dare.
-Rocko's Modern Life.
-AAAHH!! REAL MONSTERS.
-Clarissa Explains it All.
-Salute your shorts(CAMP ANAWANA)
-Are You Afraid of the Dark?
-The original cast members of All That.
-Kenan & Kel.
-Magic School Bus.
-UREKA'S CASTLE
-Pete and Pete.
-Dinosaurs.
-Pinky and the Brain.
-Wishbone.
-Bill-Nye the Science Guy.
-Kablamm.
-Who could forget Snick? & Nick @ Nite with Bewitched, I Dream of Jeannie, The Facts of Life & I Love Lucy.
-Where everyone wanted to be in love after watching The Wonder Years.
-or Nick jr. with Face
-Little Bear
-The Adventures of Winnie the Pooh
-NINJA TURTLES
-Kool-Aid was the drink of choice.
-Wearing your new shoes on the first day of school.
-Class field trips.
-POGS
-When Christmas was the most exciting time of year.
-When $5 seemed like a million, & another dollar a miracle.
-When Toys R Us was the best place to be.
-Decisions were made by going 'eeny-meeny-miney-moe'.
-Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming 'do over!'
-"Race issue" ment arguing about who ran the fastest.
-Money issues were handled by whoever was banker in 'Monopoly'.
-It wasn't odd to have two or three 'best' friends.
-Being old referred to anyone over 20.
-A chance to skate as a couple at the local roller rink was like winning the lottery.
-Scrapes & bruises were kissed & made better.
-It was a big deal to finally be tall enought to ride the 'big people' rides at the fair.
-When playing Nintendo was the hardest thing ever.
-When everyone wanted to be a Power Ranger
-When Ninja Turtles ruled the world.
-When Lisa Frank was the raddest thing ever.
-When a candy bar at the grocery store was the highlight of your day.
-When coupons collected all year could get you a prize in your class auction.
-When stress was addition and subtraction.
-When friendships were as complicated as who's house to sleep over
-When shaving cream was just meant for play.
-When a first kiss only lead to cooties.
-When valentines day meant cards for all.
-When birthdays were a class event.
-When Sky Dancers were fun to play with.
-When you had streamers on your bike.
-When Michael Jackson was cool
-When watching saved by the bell, full house, and family matters every friday on TGIF was your favorite thing to do on your friday night.

Anyone else remember all of these?

Mmm, mmm. Good times.

Retrospect is a nifty thing.

Those Who Repeat the Past...

It occurs to me. It was around this time last year that I went into a month-plus length hiatus on my blog. Don't want to do that again.

I'm having a very pleasant Easter break. I spent Thursday evening and tonight playing glow-in-the-dark frisbee with my brother Baxter. We spent much of our time peering into trees and shrubs to retrieve stuck frisbees than catching them. Friday was also pretty relaxing. Anna Kate came over in the evening, and we had a mini-movie marathon with Meet the Parents and Meet the Fockers. Both were hilarious, of course.

Work was rough today. I hate going in and having the rush start without me. It pretty much guarantees that I'll be spending at least an hour playing catch-up with the stock. To top it off, we had a few new employess-in-training. I guess that means the Training DVDs will get broken out again soon. I never learned by that method. My work training was totally hands-on, touch 'n go, pick stuff up as I move along. A very pick-yourself-up-by-your-own-bootstraps mentality. I'm convinced from what I've heard that all the DVDs would tell me is a bunch of details I would be better off learning in a real-life situation or not at all. I'm not a register guy, so that automatically negates about half the stuff on it. I no longer work at a FSU either, so no drive-thru etiquette needed (not that I'd want to do that even if I still worked there). Just throw me an apron and latex gloves, and that's all I need to be set. :)

Wow, guess that's about it. Not much substance. But hey, an update is an update.

Have a blessed Easter. Celebrate Him who is risen today and is coming again. :)

Playing the Part (part 2)

This isn't a continuation of my long-winded desert place recap from last night. If you managed to read through all of it, and if it made any sense to you, then I commend you. These are just a few more highlights from the concert.

At one point during the concert, either Mark or Chris came to the mike and asked everyone if they had their cell phones, to light them up and wave them high. My gosh, the crowd went wild. Something about looking out into a packed crowd and seeing hundreds of tiny lights out there shining for the glory of God. Easily the best use of cell phones I've ever seen. Some of them even did it again on the final song, "What if His People Prayed?" Could we be seeing a new trend developing here?

Tony Nolan is one gifted speaker. God has blessed him with a fiery passion, and listening to his message gives a huge testament to that.

As the concert ended, Anna Kate and I walked hand-in-hand out of the Bi-Lo Center. As we started to head to the municipal parking lot, both of us came to the same realization. We hadn't eaten a bite of dinner. So as we are prone to do, we started mulling over our limited options without really deciding on anything. Firehouse? Nah; too far away. Zaxby's? Closed, probably. Subway? No, thanks. McDonalds? ...are you serious?? (I'm just kidding, Anna). In the end, we hit the all-night drive-thru of Jack-in-the-Box for some spicy chicken and curly fries. Let it be known that Jack-in-the-Box is now and forevermore immortalized as the lucky fast food joint that served us our six-month anniversary dinner! Write that in your memoirs, eh? Even better - since the restaurant was closed, we ended up eating in my car. Haha ... but nevermind extravagance. Just being together is the thing that counts.

Playing the Part (part 1)

I know what you're thinking. What am I doing up at this insane hour trying to write a semi-coherent blog entry when I should be catching up on much-needed sleep for my 10:00 Vic-Lit class tomorrow?

Oh, you weren't thinking that? Sorry. So much for my powers of perception. But I digress. I had quite a grand time this evening. And I feel the need to share about it. So consider this your obligatory ramble alert.

I went out to downtown Greenville with Anna Kate to see a concert at the Bi-Lo Center. The whole thing was a birthday present from her. Why was this particular concert so special? Well, for one, any concert with her at my side automatically qualifies as 'special.' But the other reason was that it featured Casting Crowns, one of my all-time favorite Christian groups. Nicole Nordemann, Josh Bates, and speaker Tony Nolan were also scheduled.

Another reason this night was so special was that it precluded by a few hours our six-month-anniversary. We're not married, folks. I have a lot of growth and maturing to do before I can even start thinking about the M-word. But we've been dating for six months now. And they have been six of the best months of this angst-ridden boy's life. We've already shared so many good times, made each other laugh a lot (probably more than we should've), gone through sadness and loss together, and we love the Lord with all our hearts. Anna Kate is a blessing I can never deserve. But God in His infinite mercy brought her into my life. Another big reason to praise Him, Amen.

Getting back to tonight ... So we met up in the municipal parking lot, a surprisingly vacant section that's a short walk from the Bi-Lo Center. We got inside and seated with plenty of time to spare. I felt happy to be there and to be with Anna, of course. But even more than that, I felt something inside me. Like a deep stirring in my heart. You ever get that warm glow inside you that tips you off ahead of time that God's about to show you something huge and make you sit up and pay attention? That's what it was like. Sort of like the Christian's version of Spider-man's spider-sense. I had this feeling that I was going to get far more than simply musical entertainment and a spotlight show. God was about to speak to me. Time to listen up.

The concert took on a mentality of worship. Nicole bared her soul to the audience with a story about Meredith, a girl she met on one of her tours who had this over-the-top reverence for God, going so far as to heap praises on Him for the salad she ate. But as it turned out, her reverence was just an act, a facade. The girl was dying on the inside, and she was pleading for help. Per her own words, Nicole did what I (and I'm sickened when I think this) probably would have done in her situation. She avoided her. She moved on to another tour and didn't see her again. Not too long after that, a friend caught up to her for a minute. She was told that Meredith had taken her life.

As Casting Crowns took the stage, I began to be reminded all over again of the desert place I'd been trapped in throughout the end of last year and early this year. By desert place, I mean a period of spiritual deadness, when it seems like God isn't there. You can't feel the Holy Spirit, you have no passion, no energy and you get lethargic. I know now that God never stopped seeking after me. I stopped seeking Him. But my biggest problem, probably the worst offense I committed during this time was that I became a pretender. I played the game for months, and I was good at it. Probably fooled everyone. My fire had burned itself out, and I hurt to the brink of tears deep on the inside, but I never let anyone see that. No way. I had that image to keep up. I wasn't going to let anyone feel sorry for me. I couldn't stand to be pitied. Of course, love and pity are two different things, but I wouldn't see it.

Desert places are not at all uncommon. Every believer endures them. They are what grow us. They test just how strong our faith is. Abraham went through it, Moses went through it, Joseph, Gideon, Job, Jesus went through it in the literal sense. Satan tempted him when he was weary and hungry in the desert for forty days and nights. Of course, Jesus passed with flying colors. I flunked the test. I took my eyes off of God and depended on myself to get out of the desert. Which is why I stayed there for months, spinning my wheels. It took me a long time to find my way back to the center of my faith. Parts of that journey, I have already detailed in earlier posts, so I'll spare you the long, convoluted story. For me, what it came down to, was a question of sorts. A two-part question, to be precise. The first: how healthy was my faith? The second: who was I living for?

Now you might be thinking, "well, he's a Christian, right? Those are no-brainers." That's what I thought, at first. But then God really broke into my life, and He told me to be honest. Not only with Him, but with myself. How healthy was my faith? Truthfully, I bet it wouldn't have shown up on any sort of radar or measuring scale. Jesus told his disciples that "if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move.'" It's safe to say that mine wouldn't have raised so much as a blip on any seismograph. People say that it's hard to keep things to yourself. That it's tough not to wear your feelings on your sleeve and to hide from the world and all the people in it. I personally think it's more of the opposite. It's easy to hide. It's easy to say one thing and think another. It's easy to build a faith that is completely surface-level. Why? Because that's what people see. And we're so obsessed with looking good and impressing people that we feel we don't have to share how scummy and screwed up we really are. Anything but that. That's too uncomfortable, too fidgity. Let's paste on "pretend" smiles and act like we're on fire for Jesus. Just push that junk and baggage under the rug and nobody will see it. That's what we want. To appear like we have all the answers and that nothing's wrong inside.

That's easy. The real measure of faith is to expose the junk. To try and hide it is not only futile, it's saying to God that, "You can't help me with this. It's too big for You." It's arrogance when we try to look clean. It's faith when we come clean with the mess. When I admit to God and to people, believers and especially non-believers, how weak I am. When I tell people that I've fallen apart more times than I can count on my walk with Christ and He's always been there to lift me onto His shoulders until I could stand. When I let them know that I am helpless and weak, but God is strong. That it's His love, not mine, that changes death to life. God's Spirit loves weakness. He can't resist it. It's an open invitation for Him to go to work. That was when I started to feel Him stirring me again.

And that led me to question two: Who was I living for? For those months, it certainly wasn't God. If I was, then I would have tried to talk to Him about my mess in prayer, or asked for help from my friends or a spiritual adviser. I did none of those. I didn't see it as a big deal. As long as I could play the game, I thought I was fine. If my faith didn't seem as vibrant as it once did, well, it never stays consistent anyway. God would work it all out in His time and His own way, right? Right. But that wasn't a direct answer. That was a dodge. A way to deliberately avoid bringing up stuff that I didn't want to deal with head-on. And God doesn't play dodgeball. He's coach of a team of black-and-whites (not to be confused with the refs). It's either this or that. "You, therefore, have no excuse." (Romans 2:1)

Living for God is about sharing Jesus, not about looking righteous. It's about believing that His love is enough to change hearts and to overcome sin, not that we're somehow good enough to do it ourselves. It's about falling on-our-knees-desperate for the Holy Spirit, and letting Him bring us to the hurting and the sick with small increments of power. It doesn't look like much, but neither does a mustard seed. Jesus was all about turning the status quo on its ear with the way he taught. The fruits are mind-blowing. It's about connecting hearts, about reaching out to people and caring for them the way Jesus did. Not being afraid to share who we really are, and to talk about the difference God has made, and is making in our hearts. Not being judgmental or condescending with the mindset that we're somehow better than they are. My friend Taylor once said that "Community and relationships may be God's best teaching tool." I'm inclined to agree. And I'll also admit it's an area I need to continue to get better at.

Whew. I hope I haven't lost you.

One of the songs that Casting Crowns sang this evening really cut me to the heart. It aptly sums up my general thoughts about trying to "play the part" of a Christian, and looking good while you're at it.

"Stained Glass Masquerade"
Words & Music by Mark Hall
& Nicole Nordemann

Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small

Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they'll soon discover
That I don't belong

So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the heart again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them

Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone who's been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who's traded
In the altar for a stage

The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart

But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be

Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay


God, forgive me for being phony. I don't want to pretend anymore. Give me the boldness to speak the truth. Let others see me for who I really am, the way You see me. Forgive me when I fall short. Help me to be weak. Thank you, Father.