Song Spotlight

When I Praise
(by FFH)

Lookin' for love and I lost my way;
Another long night has turned to day,
Nobody likes to feel this way,
So I draw close to You, it's what I'm supposed to do.

Lookin' for love and I close my eyes;
I run to You with no disguise;
But You hold me close and say it's fine
You take me in Your arms, and You soothe this heart of mine.

And I throw my hands up in the air,
It's my heart, 'cause I don't care
What they say about me, I gotta praise.
I throw my hands up in the air,
And I know that You will find me there
Find me when I praise.

Lookin' for love and I hide my face;
What about the scars of disgrace?
But You lead me here in spite of my shame,
Your blood covers it all, and You carry me away.

And I throw my hands up in the air,
It's my heart, 'cause I don't care
What they say about me, I gotta praise.
I throw my hands up in the air,
And I know that You will find me there
Find me when I praise.

My heart, it has that need,
And I am on my knees.
And my hands are in the air, oh yeah...
And it's hard to believe
That I am on my knees
With my hands in the air, oh yeah...

And my God, You're close beside me,
And You say You're here to guide me,
I won't ever be alone
When Your love has led me home.

Lookin' for love and I found my way;
I ran to You, and I heard You say
That everything's gonna be okay;
I don't have to wait another day.

And I throw my hands up in the air,
It's my heart, 'cause I don't care
What they say about me, I gotta praise.
I throw my hands up in the air,
And I know that You will find me there...
My hands are in the air,
It's my heart and I don't care
What they say about me, I gotta praise (hey, hey...)
My hands are in the air,
And I know that You will find me there...
Find me when I praise.

Lookin' for love and I lost my way;
Another long night has turned to day;
Nobody likes to feel this way...


Beautiful song. :D

Hunger for the Spirit

I didn't wake up this morning with the intention to fast. It just kind of happened. But yes - I fasted for all of today and didn't touch a crumb of food for 24 hours. Surprisingly, I didn't really miss it all that much. Maybe drinking a gallon or so of water and fruit punch helped with that.

Our second prayer walk tonight was awesome. Chandler was the only one who came, but that's okay; everyone has things they need to take care of. She is such a caring and compassionate friend, and one of the nicest people I have ever known. I'm very grateful for our friendship.

Song of the Day: Rebecca St. James - "Come Quickly"

Verse of the Day: "It is better, if it is God's will, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil." - 1 Peter 3:17

Forget Virus; Beware AntiVirus

Yes, it's that time of year again. Those fine companies and legal manufacturers have created new methods of infiltrating our innocent little PCs. This time, it's Blackworm. It was actually created last month, but it's spread and effects are only now getting attention.

My advice? Stick with Norton Antivirus. Make sure it's up-to-date and outfitted with the latest features (not a good idea to use the 2003 version to fight off new viruses and spyware when, say, 2006 might work better). If you get a pop-up saying, "Download THIS software to block the Blackworm virus!" don't do it. WinAntiVirus and all others like it are nothing but posers. Worse, they're in fact related to the WinFixer virus, a medium-risk problem that can send your precious IP information all over the net. See what I'm saying? They say it will cure your system of a problem it does not have when in fact it exposes you to bigger problems. In short, it's a trap.

Like most naive computer people, I had to learn this the hard way. I foolishly downloaded WinAntiVirus. And then I proceeded to spend over an hour cleaning up the mess it made with Norton's help. "This product is free, accessible, and 100% certified as bug and spyware-free." Lies. All dirty, rotten lies.

The one thing I'm most afraid of, however, is that if Blackworm really takes off around here, Furman's Computer Department could use that as incentive to make the use of F-Secure antivirus software mandatory. And I despise F-Secure. The one time I tried to download it (which was only because Clean Access Agent went on the fritz) it froze my operating system to a crawl. I'm sorry, Furman, but if your so-called protective software causes me to wait 15 friggin' minutes just to open Internet Explorer, you can keep it. Think I'm wrong? Mere coincidence, you say? The second I uninstalled F-Secure from my programs list, my computer was up and running like nothing had ever happened. And I'm not a student of coincidence. If that's not instant cause-and-effect, I don't know what is.

But Furman still seems to believe in the quality of F-Secure. I'm just grateful for their tolerance of Norton. Which as I said, could change if they use Blackworm as a marketing tool. Is it any wonder the Bookstore sells a version of Norton Antivirus that's nearly three years out of date? I had to car-trek over to the Wal-Mart on White Horse Road to find the latest version. So hopefully, that won't turn out to be a waste of time. I'll stick with what works.

Anyway, I apologize for the mini-tirade. Forgive me for getting so uptight about stuff that ultimately means little in the big scheme of things. I'm a very spoiled person.

Song of the Day: Bebo Norman - "Amazing Love"

Verse of the Day: "Listen, my dear brothers: Has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom He promised those who love Him?" - James 2:5

Sparkling Wednesdays

I think Wednesday has officially become my favorite day of the week this term. Only one class, and it's not until 2:00 in the afternoon. The weather has always been gorgeous. And I get to wrap it up with Lost on Geer Base.

We had a record crowd tonight. Jon, Bryan, Lauren, TJ, Taylor, Tiffany, and Dawn were there. I'm sure they'll love doing these nights in the more accomodating comforts of North Village next year. Not that dorms aren't fun.

I don't know. Unless I get an offer from a group of guys, I'll probably be opting for a single again next year. For whatever reason, I don't find North Village attractive enough to live there. I'll miss my friends, but I'll survive.

Pleasant surprise this evening. My Mom, sister, and brother came over to have dinner with me at Ruby Tuesday. So yay for random fun. But when conversation turns to disgusting incidents involving food, it's about time to go.

No news yet on my summer internship at FBC, though. I called the head of the church board this evening to let him know I was still waiting for an interview. So hopefully he'll get back to me soon. Your prayers are welcome.

Deadlines are evil. But a necessary evil. Still, if my first short story for Fiction class turns out badly, I'm blaming it on the deadline. Creativity demands freedom. It can't function with limitations. Sorry, I'll quit complaining now.

Song of the Day: Caedmon's Call - "Hands of the Potter" (thanks, Jon!)

Verse of the Day: "But as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me." - Micah 7:7

Awaiting Inspiration

I'm one of those people who can't sit down and write seriously until they feel inspired. So while I wait for that to happen with my short story due next week for Fiction class, I may as well update this thing.

This weekend was fun. I got to come home and visit my family. Stephen Vickery, an old friend of Susannah's who lives in Maryland, traveled down and surprised her with a visit. My parents and I knew about it ahead of time, though, and we successfully kept it from her, a rare feat nowadays. Friday night, we went out for dinner at Sticky Fingers, and Anna Kate accompanied us. Then she and I watched my Dinner Theatre performance from last year, fresh out on DVD (thanks, Chris!). Sweetheart, it is so incredible to be with you, to hold your hand, and talk with you. Know that you fill my days with glistening rays of sunshine and delight. I love you so dearly.

So yeah, Vic-Lit. We finished Dickens' The Old Curiosity Shop at last. A nice, inoffensive story, even though it ended somewhat predictably. Devoting the final chapter solely to tying off all the supporting characters' plotlines smacked of a fairy tale conclusion in which the good guys win, and the bad guys get their due punishment. But then again, that's pretty much how the Bible lays it out, isn't it? Maybe I'd better be careful about what I say.

I'm only seven chapters into it, and I'm already loving Jane Eyre.

As for Faulkner, The Sound and the Fury is living up to its rep as a mind-bender. You have to wade into it with baby steps and accept the skewered narrations for what they are. If Benjy's doesn't frustrate you, Quentin's will.

Din...*ahem* Dessert Theatre practice went well tonight. I like my character. It's amazing how Taylor managed to capture my former personality so well in Logan Foxtrot. Lots of great one-liners and in-jokes tossed in there.

Still no inspiration yet. Check back later.

Song of the Day: MercyMe - "Homesick"

Verse of the Day: "The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights." - Habakkuk 3:19

Spirit-Cast

I think this was the theme that Pastor Randy laid out for our church this year. "Spirit-Cast." Living life under the guidance of the Holy Spirit. I love it.

Okay, I have to talk about what God did for me this week. Well, actually, He's been impressing this upon me a couple of weeks now. But all of a sudden I felt a calling from God to have a prayer walk on the Furman campus. It wasn't scheduled or pre-planned or anything like that. The whole thing was spontaneous and out of the blue. I got some helpful input from the L-Team and then sent out a huge e-mail for prayer partners to join me. With so much stuff going on around here, I honestly had no idea what kind of turnout to expect. I didn't know whether I would have three people, 13 people, or no one at all praying with me. But no matter what, I was going. It was a powerful urging from God to do this, and so I just trusted Him to take care of the rest.

So ... last night, we had the prayer walk. John, Chandler, Will, and Matthew Foote joined me at 8:00 in front of the chapel. I read Colossians 1:9-14 to help get our minds set on how we should pray, especially for people we don't know (Paul had some great advice), and had John pray to open us. Then we set out. We walked all across the campus in the chill of night, stopping at the Rose Garden, Hipp Hall, and the Infirmary along the way. Oh my goodness, wow! God is incredible! This prayer walk was truly one of the best experiences I have ever had. It's been a while since I could just close my eyes, raise my head to the sky, and just let God speak to me. It boggles me how often we're inclined to ramble on in prayer sometimes without so much as allowing the Spirit to get in a few words. But wow, He had plenty to say last night. I could feel the Holy Spirit at work around us, looking up in the trees, the fountains, the gutter drain, and especially the people who passed us by. We glanced in buildings and prayed for students in night classes. We sat down in the center of the Rose Garden, hearing music blaring in the UC, and prayed for children and families who passed through there, as well as couples and newlyweds who often get wedding pictures taken there. We listened to God in silence, we prayed as we walked, sang hymns of praise ... WOW! This is exactly what I mean when I talk about being spirit-cast. When you give of yourself and let the Lord make use of you, as He used our eyes, ears, feet, and mouths on this walk, you can feel Him move with breath-taking power. It practically knocks you over. So praise God for His love in communicating with us!

And as a final note, pray for my brother. He had a nasty accident in baseball practice when a ball hit the middle of his eye. It was pretty bad, but not as serious as it could've been. He should be fine, so praise God for that!

Song of the Day: Steven Curtis Chapman - "Speechless"

Verse of the Day: "For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light. For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins." - Colossians 1:9-14

Spring in the Step

Everyone looks forward to the warmer days of spring. Including me, winter lover though I am. Still, today's nice, crisp March weather was just about perfect. Temperatures in the low 60s, lots of sunshine, breezy ... that's more my kind of weather. But we're so fickle, it'll probably be back in the low-to-mid 80s this time next week. Sigh.

TNT was marvelous tonight. Sadly, I missed most of the ice cream social for people new to BCM (as well as for oldies who haven't been around in awhile) because I had to attend Dr. Rogers' L.D. Johnson lecture in the Daniel Chapel. It was also good, by the way; he can be pretty hilarious when he wants to. But I made it back in time for TNT. We've begun a new series along the lines of "I Like Jesus, But Not ..." (Christians, Church, Televangelists, Organized Religon, Bible Thumpers, etc.). Tonight, the latter half was Christians. Rodney did an outstanding job. I know God moved through him tonight and helped him to use the right language to get the message across. The student response was equally awesome; lots of people answered his questions and offered some terrific insights. It turned out to be a topic that in some way resonated with us all, which was really great to see. Just awesome.

I'd talk some more about this, but it's pretty late. I don't have any morning classes tomorrow, and I'd really like to catch up on some much-needed Zs. Goodnight and God bless!

Song of the Day: Nicole Nordeman - "Legacy"

Verse of the Day: "Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness, no one will see the Lord." - Hebrews 12:14

Shameless Promo

No one knows what is coming as the clock silently ticks down.

Choices are made ... the stage is set ...

In the twinkling of an eye, millions disappear without a trace.

Heaven rejoices as millions are welcomed into the unspeakable presence of God.

On Earth, some realize what has happened ...

... what they've lost ...

... what they've missed ...

And the darkest days lie ahead for those left behind.


...

...

...

(http://www.leftbehind.com)

Eyestrain

The above condition occurs when you read too much. I'll probably be suffering from that before too long, thanks to my current reading schedule. I spent most of today alternating between Faulkner and Dickens. Faulkner's style smacks of a typical Lost episode. If you don't pay attention, you get lost yourself. Dickens details his work to the nth degree. Here's a sample from The Old Curiosity Shop:

"As it was very easy for Kit to persuade himself that the old house was in his way, his way being anywhere, he tried to look upon his passing it once more as a matter of imperative and disagreeable necessity, quite apart from any desire of his own, to which he could not choose but yield."

I wonder if an English professor at Furman would chastise Charles Dickens for excessive padding? Personally, I wonder why he can get away with it but I can't? Maybe he's like Faulkner's John Sartoris. The longer he's dead, the more willing we are to overlook his faults. Or rather, his eccentric quirks. He's too larger than life to criticize.

Then again, maybe it's just the eyestrain talking.

Other than that, not much else happened today. I split time earlier this evening reading Faulkner's Flags in the Dust while Anna Kate kept me posted on the Clemson baseball game (the Tigers rallied to defeat William and Mary 10-5). I went and hung out for a while with Jon and Lauren on Geer Base. Lost was a repeat tonight, so we just sat around and chatted. Lauren commented that we should have a party. A brownie party (apparantly, Jon got some brownies from somewhere). Naturally, that led me to ask if she was in a party mood. She said it was more like she wanted to sit and watch other people party. That made me think of my junior Homecoming dance. I neither danced, brought a date, or even wore a tuxedo. I spent the night manning the refreshment table while everybody else danced. Yep, I'm a party-hearty wild animal, all right. No regrets, though, so don't worry.

Song of the Day: Chris Rice - "Deep Enough to Dream"

Verse of the Day: "Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; your were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body." - 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Scheduling Conspiracy

Well, my spring term officially began today.

I say that because yesterday, my schedule radically changed from what it was in the morning. It morphed into a fairly convoluted mess, so I'll spare you the gritty details. Suffice it to say I traded in my one science course and went full-throttle on three English courses. Have I lost my mind? Maybe. Even still, I've got some catching up to do if I want to secure my required seminar and polish off my other GERs. I'm not into the whole fifth-year thing.

So ... I've got Writing Fiction, Faulkner, and Victorian Literature lined up for spring term. My first impressions? So far, I like what I've got. I'm still pretty dismayed at getting bumped out of the Shakespeare course, and so is my advisor because it kind of set me back. But there's nothing else I can do except wait for it to come up again. Right now, Faulkner should do nicely as a replacement for a focus author. I'm not as familiar with him, however; the only book of his that comes to mind at the moment is The Unvanquished and I don't remember how I liked it, but oh well. New classes are new for a reason. You're not supposed to already know all the subject material. I got a good vibe from the Fiction course; Dr. Allen seems like a great teacher. Very meticulous and he talks like he writes (good thing or bad? I guess we'll find out). He also proved helpful in enabling me to switch the sections of his course in order to accomodate my schedule. As for Vic-Lit, one of my friends commented that our teacher looked like Zoolander or some such name. He's a character, all right, but I like him, too. It is a reading-intensive course, but I shouldn't have any problem with it. I'm six chapters into Charles Dickens' The Old Curiosity Shop and I already like it. One definite plus is the absence of written tests (so far) and a more laid-back grading style.

So yeah, I'm convinced that the Course Selections were out to get me this term, bumping me out of Shakespeare and setting my English certification back a good bit. I'm also convinced the major departments were in on it and lumped all the English classes in the afternoon to not only make scheduling around them a logistical nightmare, but also ruin my chance to knock out my last science course. But why quibble? It's a gorgeous day outside, spring is fast approaching, I'm cured of my desert doldrums, and I still have an exciting and challenging course load. Why waste time pining for what could've been when it's more fun to take life on right now? That's a better way to live.

Of course, it helps to know your life is being pushed by Bigger Hands. :)

Song of the Day: Salvador - "Breathing Life"

Verse of the Day: "But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.' For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners." - Matthew 9:13

One Rusty Needle

And this little journal reaches 200 posts. Funny. I still find it weird calling it a "blog" even if that's the official name (or nickname or "weblogs") for these things. I've been keeping personal journals for over 13 years (but of course back then, all of mine were in the 'dated' style of paper and pencil. At least scrabbly hand-writing is no longer an issue), and so I always refer to them by that label. Oh well. Labels are secondary. It's still my personal thoughts.

I'm back at Furman once again. Thanks to my parents, I have more food than I know what to do with (so if you get hungry, come find me), and I no longer have an excuse to go shopping. So after unpacking my bags (seems I brought back more luggage than I took with me last week), I went for a work-out, enjoyed a DH dinner, picked up my campus mail, and went to John's apartment for prayer meeting. That was awesome, by the way. I think it set a new record for our longest prayer meeting ever, but no worries. It was great fun to catch up with Chandler, Hilary, and Will who also joined us. We had quite a few requests to cover, but also had time to share our stories.

Classes start up tomorrow, but my situation is somewhat unsettled. Currently, I've got an Environmental Science class at 11:00 (every day), [English] Advanced Compositions at 1:00 (every day but Wednesday), and [English] Writing Fiction class at 2:00 (Mondays and Thursdays, I believe). But I really want to get into the Shakespeare course that's offered this term. Naturally, a class about a single, famous, and controversial playwright like ol' Will guarantees a packed house. So since I didn't make it my first option in the scheduling process, I got bumped off. But the Web Drop/Add option still leaves me hope. If not that, there are a couple other English-related courses I'm looking into. Right now, I'd pick the Compositions class to get the shaft. If my suspicions are correct, I'll be doing a lot of writing no matter what option I go with, so dropping the class that is primarily writing-centric is no big loss. Hopefully, that will work itself out. Once again, I'm going into spring term knowing all of nothing about my professors, so first impressions tomorrow will play a big role. I'm also hoping for a better lab experience.

That's about it for right now. Sorry that I don't have a more reflective, emotional piece to commemorate my blog, erm, journal's 200th posting. I'll try to make up for that when I get to 300. Until then, goodnight and God bless!

Song of the Day: Steven Curtis Chapman - "This Day"

Verse of the Day: "You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands." - Isaiah 55:12

The Storm Beckons

Winter break is awesome. The problem is that it's never long enough. But then again, we say that about all of our vacations.

Tomorrow, I leave my dear home and family in Simpsonville to return to Furman. Time to trade in the birthday balloons and extra hours of sleep I've accumulated this week for the rigors of classes and other campus events. New challenges await, new friends to make, new headaches to endure. But all is not doom and gloom, or even close to it.

There's been an uprising in my spirit as this past week has wound down and spring term gets ever closer. I feel excited about what's to come for the first time since fall term. It might have something to do with the coming of spring, which has been heightened by the warm, pleasant weather we have been having. Spring signifies new life. It's a season in which God's creation stretches its legs and blossoms into a masterpiece so breath-taking that you can't help but be in awe of the divine Creator who makes it all possible.

It might be that I'm anticipating seeing my old friends again. Sharing in their stories, participating in activities with them, random fun, etc. The moments that make life worth living. You're not really living the life that God's given you until you engage it. Take chances. Get to know the people around you; interact with them. You could meet your newest friend around the next corner, or find someone who just needs to talk. Gotta keep your eyes open.

It's a whole lot of things, really. But most of all, it's a feeling of new, fresh hope. Isn't it wonderful that even in the midst of a stormy season, we can have hope that God will bring on the bright and morning sun? No storm cloud can hide His light, no mist or fog is too thick to conceal it. That's what hope is like: basking in the glorious rays of God's light. Turning your back on the darkness. Letting God be your anchor and the source of immeasurable joy.

And suddenly, the storm isn't so scary anymore.

Song of the Day: Casting Crowns - "Praise in the Storm"

Verse of the Day: "From the ends of the earth, I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I." - Psalm 61:2

Twenty-Two

Wow. I'm old. Well, mentally, anyway.

I'm still all right in the physical sense, although my parents still insist I could put on more weight. Spiritually, I'm as alive and fresh in Jesus as ever, and I continue to be amazed anew at what He's doing in my life every single day.

As you can no doubt guess, I had a great birthday. Being able to spend it with my family and Anna Kate at home was a blessing. The day was sprinkled with plenty of fun, reflective conversations. Memories are so much more fulfilling than presents. They remain with you longer. I've come to appreciate birthdays for that. They represent a time to look back at the big and little things that have brought you to this age, and made you the person you are.

I've had lots of defining moments over the years. Some are immensely pleasant to think about. Some bring tears of sadness to my eyes. But that's okay. Life is an adventure in which we are shaped and molded by the bad and the good. God uses both to build our faith and teach us to look to Him in every situation. That's definitely helped me learn to rejoice and praise Him regardless of my mood. I'm not near perfect in doing that, and I still have my doubts and pangs of sorrow at times, but in all honesty, I'd rather have a faith tested by doubt than to live glassy-eyed in the Lord. Of course God wants us to take in His Kingdom with the eyes and mind of a child but He also wants us to engage it. We have to make that faith a lifestyle, not just something we get dressed up for one day of the week, sings hymns, and listen to a sermon. It has to be something we exemplify every waking moment of our lives. Is that easy? Good grief, no! I'm the biggest flop in my relationship with Jesus. I screw up, neglect Him and fail to study His Word the way I should. But He is always there to pick me up and forgive me even though I am the last person on Earth who deserves it. I thank Jesus for loving me first. As well as for teaching me how to love like He does. The list of blessings is endless, but I am grateful to Him for that example of love most of all.

1 Corinthians 13:1-13

"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing."

How empty and sad life is without love. Not physical love. Not emotional, heat-of-the-moment and passionate love. Those are good forms of it, but not the kind that I'm talking about. I mean original love. The love of Christ. Unconditional, unchanging, sacrificial devotion. We never would have known what that was if Jesus hadn't come and done it first. If He hadn't given Himself unto death on a cross for our sins, we would still be lost with no way out. Many of us wouldn't even realize it (and many still don't realize it today). Christ's love is what fuels our soul. It's what gives our ministry power. It's what enables us to love our enemies. It's why we rejoice in persecution. Good deeds and model intensions aren't enough. Not if they have another motive. Not if love isn't the source.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

I don't mind admitting that I feel small when I read this passage. My track record on love falls woefully short of God's standard as Paul outlines here. Too much of the time, my motives aren't pure. I'm more focused on what I'll get out of an act of kindness than on glorifying the kingdom of God. But when I have God's mindset, then I'm blown away by what the Holy Spirit does. I need to do better at pushing myself out of the way in showing love.

"Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part, and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face-to-face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

"And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love."

What a blessing love is. I couldn't dream of a better gift.