Gory Relief

Well, I lived through finals. Whether I made it with my grades intact is another story, and one that won't receive closure until WebAdvisor lets me know. But let us speak no more of the cackling, nightmarish entity that is winter term. Look to greener pastures. Hello, winter break.

(I refuse to call it spring break. Not when both the calendar and the groundhog beg to differ).

It's good to be home again. I spent the latter part of my afternoon with my Mom and Susannah. We headed out to an early evening matinee, and my sister picked it out. No surprise that it turned out to be "Final Destination 3."

I haven't seen the first two installments in the trilogy, but the best point I could take from it was this. Death is just a regular joe trying to do its job. And it doesn't take too well to being thwarted, as a group of teenagers *cough twentysomethingadultsplayingteenagers *cough* manage to do here when they get off a roller-coaster ride that goes tragically haywire. So Death sets out to finish what it tried to do in the first place: kill these kids off. Except one of them had a premonition about it, and as it just so happens (don't you just LOVE these little contrivances), she took a picture of each and every person who escaped Death the first time. And the pictures seem to contain clues as to how Death will get its payback. Despite her warnings, the kids get bumped off one by one in several brutal, stomach-churning sequences. Can she and friend Kevin defeat Death? Or will the tragic cycle be finished?

Was this a good movie? No. Was it intelligent? No. Witty or charming? Absolutely not. Captivating plot? Paper thin at best.

Was it a sensory thrill ride? Oh yes.

Don't see this movie if you're looking for a cinematic masterpiece, five-star acting, or a happy-pink-bow ending. It's none of these. It's a gory, slam-bang pulse pounder, and it makes no apologies for it. So to enjoy it, you have to view it from one of two mindsets: 1) Turn the brain off and bask in the senseless violence, or 2) Let yourself be sucked into the paranoid tone of the movie and start putting the clues together. Because that's always fun.

On a kinetic level, I had fun with this movie. There are some genuinely squemish death scenes (two girls getting cooked alive in tanning beds ... I dare you to see that and not be forced to look away), but the tension is terrific. The story, weak as it is, hits the ground running and keeps a breakneck speed all the way to the end. You never get a chance to catch your breath as the deaths keep coming, one after the other. And truly, that's the way to go. If the movie wasted time trying to pace itself with unnecessary subplots and padded scenery among characters, it would have ruined the entire mood because the plot isn't strong enough to support it. But thankfully, none of that happens. The characters are little more than ciphers on a hit list: only the two starring ones get any development. The main character is Death itself. This whole piece is about Death making these kids pay for getting in his way. It's really no deeper than that.

So yeah, "Final Destination 3" is a mindless hit-flick. But if you can enjoy it on those merits alone, then go see it. I personally didn't take anything profound from it, and it's already becoming a huge blur in my head upon returning home. But it was a decent way to switch off my over-worked brain and be shocked by all the splashy, gratuitous violence. Don't expect anything more than that. Goodnight and God bless!