Expectations

I've come to dread making expectations. Both in classes and in real life. The simplest reason is that more often than not, they end up being wrong or not even close to how things actually turn out. So why bother having them?

I liken this philosophical quandery to my Religion-33 class. I just got finished taking our first test. Now going into it, I wasn't terribly worried. After all, this is Religion. Paul. The Bible. Ancient world. I know these subjects, and even if I don't know all the details, I can conjure up something to make it look good. I've had Dr. CroweTipton before, and he can usually be counted on to treat you nicely on tests. He won't throw concepts in from left field, overwhelm us with discussion questions, or format the test in such an abstract manner that you don't know how to begin. He's good that way; it's why I like him so much. I'm very fond of professors who play straight with me.

So I didn't start out too worried. But you know me; that never lasts. Less than 12 hours until doomsday, I start to feel the jitters. I can't explain it, but I get them for every test. Even those that I expect to do well on, at some point, I get nervous. No matter how remote, there's always that nagging doubt, that fear of "Well, what happens if I don't do good? What if I fail" that rises up in me. Most of the time, I don't show it, but it's always there. So I pour myself into my studies to push it down, to make it next to impossible for that fear to become a reality. You know, having a little bit of fear isn't necessarily a bad thing in itself. Not if it motivates you to take positive action.

People ask me "How do you feel about the test?" Or "What do you expect you'll make?" Over time, I've gotten more and more nebulous about my expectations. Very rarely are they met by reality. Either they're overconfident and I end up on my face, or they're doomsday and I double the fear factor. So I'm purposely vague. I'll say that we'll see what happens; or at this point, it could go either way; or I'm as ready as I'll ever be (if that's possible). Better to find a middle ground. Keep a mellow, lukewarm confidence that takes neither the high nor low roads.

Going into the test this morning, I was nervous, but it wasn't getting to me, thankfully. Someone asked me before the class started to explain the difference between the Old and New Perspectives of Judaism in Paul's time, and I actually did it! I laid out all the main points and included just enough details to make an oral response that actually sounded coherent. That alone was enough to give me a boost of confidence. If I can talk it, I can write it, right?

Well...

I suppose the test was all right. I'm never completely sure only a few hours after I've taken it. Normally, I'll need more time and the corrected test in front of me to give it an honest evaluation. From what I can recall off the top of my head, one multiple choice and one short answer tripped me up big time. And from the sound of it, the short answer was a question very few people got right or understood. So that tells me two things could happen. Either Dr. CT will toss out the short answer, which I'm hoping, as it'll give me back those four points, or he'll go ahead and count it because the class grade average was good enough that one short answer question won't carry much weight. As for the multiple choice, either it's right or it's wrong. If I miss it, then it's my own fault. Simple as that.

As always, there were questions that I was puzzled about, but feel like I provided the best possible answer. Or at least an answer that's debatable. You never know; sometimes if you can muster a convincing-enough debate, the professor will change his mind or at least give you credit for trying. The multiple-choice and true-or-false had these types of questions. Some of them I knew immediately. A few of them, I'll have to be ready to discuss my answers. As for the essays, for a change, I feel the best about that section. I wasn't quite expecting him to return to the gymnastics of Paul interpretations, but I'd refreshed myself on those for safety's sake, and so I was happy to see them. And wouldn't you know it, one of the other discussion choices was the Old and New Perspectives of Judaism, the same topic I had talked about prior to the exam. So that one almost felt like a gimme right there.

So anyway, I won't get the test back until next Monday at least. Knowing Dr. CT, I wouldn't be at all surprised to see the wait extend to next Friday or even the week after that. So I'm not going to worry about it anymore. I have the mission trip to Pittsburgh to look forward to in just a few hours. My trepidation is slowly giving way to eager anticipation. I'll spare you any more of my rambling philosophical quanderies. See you next week!

Song of the Day: Jars of Clay - "I Need You"

Verse of the Day: "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." - Matthew 6:34